My Faith Is a Hot Mess

All summer long we've been working our way through a series we've called Hot Mess. We've looked at how our work can become a hot mess, how our schedules can become a hot mess, how our families can become a hot mess, and how our relationships can become a hot mess - and, more importantly, what Jesus would have us do to make the most of those situations, or to heal them.

People define "hot mess" in a lot of ways, but here's a definition I came across this week that I love: a hot mess is when someone's thoughts or appearance are in a state of disarray, yet they still hold an undeniable attractiveness or beauty. That's it exactly. Our relationship may be a hot mess, but we know what it could be, and it's beautiful. Our family may be a hot mess, but we know what it's meant to be, and sometimes we can even see the best of it shining through the chaos. It's something we long for.

This week we begin a new stretch of the series: my faith is a hot mess. A lot of the thoughts, ideas, and beliefs we've held about our faith can be a hot mess. Some of the ways we've tried to live our faith out have missed the mark so badly that we've made a mess of things. And yet, when you boil our faith in Jesus down to what it really is and what it's meant to be, you cannot help but see an undeniable beauty.

Here's why this matters so much: our faith shapes the way we see other people. It shapes our behavior in every other category - family, work, relationships, and beyond. How we read Scripture, and what we read into Scripture, will affect what we live out. So this week and in the weeks ahead, we're going to talk about how faith gets messy, beginning with one place it has done enormous damage: the way the church has often taught about women.

A quick recap: a broken system, not God's design

Last week, in part three of My Relationship Is a Hot Mess, we started talking about how our beliefs about gender affect our marriages and relationships. Here's the short version. Old Testament culture was cruel to women; women had almost no rights. Things didn't improve much in the New Testament era - largely the same systems were still in place. So a lot of times Scripture describes a patriarchal society, one where men hold the power and women are treated as second-class citizens.

But here's the crucial distinction: just because Scripture describes something does not mean Jesus wants us to ascribe to it. A society that demeans or diminishes women is not the way things should be. That didn't stop parts of the church, throughout history and into modern times, from latching onto those ideas and propagating them - including one of the most destructive: that women are equally saved, yet somehow unequal to men. Much of that comes from misinterpreting Scripture and using it out of context.

Why interpretation matters

Anytime I hear someone push a belief with phrases like "the Bible clearly says," or "it's evident through Scripture," especially when the belief doesn't line up with what I know about the character and example of Jesus, my antenna goes up. Sure, Scripture communicates some things plainly. But in other places you really have to work to understand what it means.

I love apologetics - the defense of the faith. And one thing apologists often say about science is, "the data doesn't say anything; you have to interpret the data." The same is true here. A lot of the time, to understand what Scripture is communicating, we have to interpret it. The question isn't only what does it say, but why does it say it? Who wrote it, and what was their intent? Who was the audience, and what was their culture like? Was this meant for a specific time and situation, or for all time? Was the author making the best of a broken system, or describing a model we're supposed to build?

If we get the interpretation wrong, we can end up believing and following systems Jesus never intended. And if we come to the text with a conclusion we've already decided on, we can wield Scripture as a weapon that damages individuals, groups, and even entire genders.

"She is the weaker vessel" - what Peter actually meant

One verse that gets used this way is the second half of 1 Peter 3:7:

She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. - 1 Peter 3:7

The argument goes: see, women are equally saved, but they're the weaker sex, so men need to be in charge. But let's actually examine it. Did Peter mean women are mentally weaker, less intelligent? You don't have to look far to know that isn't true. When this letter was written, most women in that culture received minimal education - not because they lacked ability, but because they were the victims of a society that kept knowledge, and therefore power, away from them. Plenty of us know women who are sharper, wiser, and better leaders than the men around them.

Is it about being physically weaker? Generally, men have greater upper-body strength - but that's a generalization with plenty of exceptions, and it's hardly a reason for one person to rule another. And it can't be spiritual weakness, because Peter says in the same breath that she is an equal partner in God's gift of new life. How many of us know a woman who is the spiritual rock of her whole family - the one on her knees in prayer, the one getting everyone to church? Women aren't spiritually weaker, physically weaker across the board, or intellectually weaker. So that can't be Peter's point.

Here's what helps: 1 Peter wasn't written in English. It was written in ancient Greek, and the phrase translated "weaker" is more accurately rendered "weaker vessel." Peter is most likely painting a word picture - not describing women as feeble, but describing how a husband should treat his wife: like a priceless, delicate heirloom. The Berean Standard Bible captures it:

Husbands, in the same way, treat your wives with consideration as a delicate vessel, and with honor as fellow heirs of the gracious gift of life. - 1 Peter 3:7 (BSB)

Think of a treasured, breakable keepsake you keep in a place of honor. When you hand it to a friend, you say, "Careful - it's delicate." That's the analogy. It isn't a statement about a woman's strength; it's an instruction about a husband's tenderness.

Read the whole letter, not a single verse

And notice what comes right around that verse:

In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together... treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. - 1 Peter 3:7

"So your prayers will not be hindered." Here's something to chew on, gentlemen: if you feel like God isn't answering your prayers, ask yourself honestly how you're treating your wife.

Now, some will say I've cheated by skipping the verse before it. So let's read it:

In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. - 1 Peter 3:1

Game, set, match? Not so fast. Notice that chapter three opens with "in the same way" - which means it's a continuation of a thought that started earlier. That through-line takes off back in 1 Peter 2:13, in a section about respecting governing authorities. From there Peter moves to slaves and their masters, and then to wives and husbands. So pause here: if we read the line about slaves submitting to masters the same out-of-context way, we'd conclude Peter was endorsing slavery. He wasn't. Jesus came to set the captives free (Luke 4:18). Paul says it was for freedom that Christ has set us free (Galatians 5:1). Freedom is better than oppression. Slavery is a broken system, and Christ-followers shouldn't defend it.

So what is Peter actually doing? He's addressing people living inside a brutal, broken system - citizens under harsh rulers, slaves under masters, and wives in a culture where a woman could be thrown out of her home, ridiculed, or left destitute simply for following Christ when her husband didn't. Peter's counsel is a strategy, not an endorsement:

Even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. - 1 Peter 3:1-2

Peter is concerned about everyone's behavior inside that broken system - for the purpose of winning people to Christ and keeping the peace, and even keeping a roof over a vulnerable woman's head. Look at how he sums it up for all of them:

Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters... Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. - 1 Peter 3:8-9

In other words: when you're persecuted for following Christ, don't turn it into a revolt; bless instead of insult. And the verse that ties it all together is one of my favorites:

Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your hope as a believer, always be ready to explain it. But do this in a gentle and respectful way. - 1 Peter 3:15

So when the unbelieving husband, master, or ruler notices something different in the life of a Christ-follower under their authority and asks about it, the believer can share the gospel - gently, respectfully. That's the whole point. Read in context, the individual lines about accepting a husband's authority and about the "weaker vessel" are not a permanent, God-ordained power structure that makes women equal-yet-inferior. They are a strategy to reach unbelievers within a broken system.

Do you see how quickly - just from how we read a passage and what we use it to justify - our faith can become a hot mess?

The good news Peter wanted shared

And here's the message Peter actually wanted his readers to share, written in the very next verse:

Christ suffered for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but he died for sinners to bring you safely home to God. He suffered physical death, but he was raised to life in the Spirit. - 1 Peter 3:18

That's the good news. Christ came to set us free from sin and from eternal separation from a holy God. He came to heal the broken - to mend broken hearts, restore broken spirits, and replace our broken systems with something far better, if we'll let him. When Jesus died on the cross, he took the sins of the world upon himself and paid the price for every one of them. Three days later he rose from the grave, and he now offers eternal life in the place he's preparing for us - and abundant life, full of true meaning and purpose, when we live it his way.

If you've never put your trust in Jesus, never accepted him as the Lord of your life, and you'd like to do that today, you can pray a prayer like this one:

Dear Lord Jesus, I know that I'm a sinner. I know I've done wrong things. Please forgive me of my sins. Right now I ask you to be the Lord of my life. Help me to turn from my sins and follow you. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins, for rising again on the third day and taking those sins away, for saving me, and for preparing a place for me. In Jesus' name, amen.

If you prayed that prayer, I can't wait to see how Jesus changes your life, your heart, and even your beliefs for the better. If we can help you find your next steps - baptism, questions, getting connected - come find me after a service, or email me at josh@seacoastredondo.com.

Next week we'll talk about Paul and women - it should be both interesting and fun. Until then, may we always be ready to share the hope we have in Christ with gentleness and respect, and may all of our relationships reflect Christ's love for the world to see.